All change is destabilizing and inevitably feels hard before it becomes more familiar. Sometimes the period of difficulty and instability that comes with change can last much longer than we expect or desire. We know this to be true when the change is something we didn't plan for or want. Changes like this include a health crisis, the ending of a relationship, the death of someone we love, the loss of a job. The numerous losses we all have experienced due to the pandemic also fall into this category.
We know from experience that when a loss occurs in our life, we will most often struggle emotionally as we work through it. However, we may be surprised to learn that even if we plan for and choose to make a change in our lives, it will also initially feel destabilizing and emotionally challenging. Suppose we decide to move, get married, start a new job or volunteer activity, begin an exercise program, add a child to our life, go back to school, choose to retire, or make a proactive New Year's resolution. We may mistakenly think we will feel good right away in any of these situations. We may be surprised to learn that it is also normal to struggle even with these self-initiated changes and perhaps, even to second guess our choices regarding the change. When things start to feel difficult, some people may even consider giving up the change or wish they could return to their old life.
A phenomenon known as the J Curve explains why both planned and unplanned changes are initially challenging and destabilizing. In the graphic of the J Curve, which appears above, you can see that the vertical axis is stability, and the horizontal axis is resilience/growth. All significant changes follow the pattern of the J Curve. Typically, the more significant the change, the deeper the J Curve.
Due to the pandemic, the entire world has been in a J Curve together for almost two years. This is why we are all exhausted. The instability continues to be overwhelming for many. And this is why requests for mental health care are at a record high right now. Just when we think we are coming up the right side of the J Curve, another variant emerges. And then we find ourselves faced with a new J Curve within the larger J Curve of the pandemic, testing and challenging our ability to bounce back.
Research shows that three factors are essential for enhancing our capacity for resilience when we are walking through the valley of a J Curve. It is common to think we "should" be able to move through J Curves much faster than we actually are able. We may become impatient with ourselves. So the first thing we all need is self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself if you are worn out right now by the pandemic. Be gentle with yourself if you are in the midst of any other kind of significant change—whether a move, retirement, a job loss or change, or you recently brought a new child into your life. Or if it is just plain hard right now. Patience may be in short supply just when we need it most, including patience with ourselves.
The second factor that enhances resilience in the midst of loss or change is the support of others. One clever way to remember this is to note that the word "wellness" starts with "we," acknowledging that wellness is strengthened in community. Sometimes, when we are going through a J Curve, our natural tendency is to either pull away from others or turn against them. Families, for example, are most likely to experience conflict when individuals within the family, or the whole family itself, are experiencing a J Curve. When we feel most vulnerable is when we most need to turn to others for support.
Spirituality is the third factor that predicts a positive and resilient outcome for those experiencing loss or change. Spirituality gives us hope, meaning, and a broader perspective on life. Strengthening one's spirituality (for example, by starting or strengthening a meditation, mindfulness, or prayer practice) may be difficult in the midst of a J Curve, but it will gradually enhance one's capacity for resilience. If you look back over your life, you may notice that your spirituality deepened and grew most when you were going through some experience of profound change, which gave you a new perspective on what matters most in life.
Change is hard. Especially changes we have not asked for or wanted. And it turns out that even changes we plan and initiate can also at times be emotionally exhausting. Early in the pandemic, there was a great deal of talk about "flattening the curve." While we can't prevent J Curves, we can flatten them and enhance our capacity to move through them with resilience if we remember to practice self-compassion, reach out to others for support, and strengthen our spirituality.
Making It Personal:
Looking back on any J Curves you have navigated in the past, what did you learn from those experiences?
Are you in the midst of a J Curve right now, or perhaps more than one J Curve?
How might the recommendation of self-compassion, support from others, and nurturing your spirituality help you if you are in a J Curve right now? Can you think of what else you may need right now to help you be resilient?