What You Appreciate, Appreciates
A few weeks ago, we wrote about several specific things we can do to strengthen any relationship. One of the things we mentioned was the simple practice of showing appreciation. This week we want to expand a little more on this because we know that, while simple, it is easy to forget the importance of offering appreciation regularly and freely.
It is worth noting that the root for the word appreciation also serves as a root for the words precious, price, and praise. This helps us realize that when we praise someone, we help them feel precious and increase their sense of value and self-worth.
When we think of the act of showing appreciation, we find it helpful to think of a continuum. The person who has a habit of actively and regularly showing appreciation is on the far right side of the continuum. On the other end, the far left side is someone who is instead often critical and for whom depreciating others happens regularly. In the middle of the continuum—the neutral point—is a person who is neither appreciative nor critical. When we are at this neutral point, we are likely taking others for granted. In reality, we may feel appreciative of others but rarely make the effort to express it, so others never know.
Imagine taking a potted plant in a shady corner of the room and moving it in front of a southern-facing window on a bright sunny day. Soon you will see the plant stretching tall and opening up to the sunlight. Appreciation has the same effect on people. But don't just take our word for it. Try it yourself, and notice how gradually the person you are showing appreciation to opens up their heart to you and may even stand just a little bit taller.
Here are some examples of the principle of "what we appreciate, appreciates."
If we tell a child how precious they are to us simply because we want them to know how much we love them, we will likely see their face light up, if not their whole body.
If we let someone know we appreciate their efforts to face a complex challenge, we will increase their self-confidence and commitment to keep working to overcome their challenge.
If we express our gratitude and appreciation for something that someone does for another, we encourage more acts of kindness.
When we call someone who is alone and who could use a little appreciation, we make them feel cared about and likely make their day.
We are sure you can think of additional examples from your own life of how "what we appreciate, appreciates," and we encourage you to do so.
We want to express how much we appreciate you! Thank you for reading our column each week (and for those who listen to our companion podcast, thank you also), and thank you for the feedback you often give to us. It means the world to us, and please know will never take that for granted.
Making It Personal Prompts:
In general, where would you place yourself on the continuum of being critical—taking for granted (neutral)—being appreciative? Are you happy with your response?
Can you think of a time when you experienced the power of appreciation—either when you expressed appreciation to someone else or when someone appreciated you? How did it feel?
Is there a specific person in your life that you would like to offer more appreciation to right now?