"Wellness Begins with We," April 18, 2025

Wellness Begins with We

Passover and Easter overlap again this year, allowing us to reflect on the power of these celebrations for hundreds of millions of people worldwide.  The celebrations connected to these holy days, as with the celebrations of all religious holy days, are grounded in bringing people together. While individual beliefs and practices are important, the gathering of community is primary, a practice as old as human civilization.

And it's not just true of religious celebrations. We see this same emphasis on community in all kinds of celebrations—graduations, funerals, weddings, and public holidays, to name a few. All of these various community gatherings are essential to our well-being.

There is a clever way to remember the strong connection between community and well-being. Notice that the word "Wellness" begins with "We." Some have even noted that when the letter "I" in "Illness" is replaced with "We," the word becomes Wellness. 

American culture has long celebrated the importance of individualism. Too often, though, this focus on a strong sense of "I" is presented as somehow separate or even in opposition to the importance of a strong "We." The fact is they are always interconnected. Healthy individuals are essential to healthy communities, and healthy communities are critical to strong individual well-being. 

Many experts are writing today about a growing sense of isolation and loneliness in our culture and how this is becoming a public health issue.  COVID contributed to this, but the problem began long before the pandemic.  Robert Putnam was one of the first to bring this to our attention with his groundbreaking book, "Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revitalization of American Community," written in 2000. Focusing on the trend of Americans who are bowling alone or just one or two others, rather than in leagues as was done in the past, he wrote that the erosion of communal life has seriously affected both public and individual health. 

With this in mind, may we all remember that whatever our plans may include this week—whether it be celebrating Passover, Easter, or bowling— let's make sure to prioritize strengthening our bonds with others. Doing so will contribute to both our own well-being, and that of the people with whom we gather.

*We will be taking some time off next week and so this column will return in two weeks.

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Well Connected," April 4, 2025

Well Connected

We recently came across an extended quote from Albert Einstein that we would like to share with you today.

“A human being is a part of the whole, called by us the ‘Universe,’ a part limited in time and space. We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest — a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. 

This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole nature in its beauty. 

Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security.”

As we reflect on the connection of Einstein’s words to wellness, the focus of this column, we are aware that a foundation of our wellness is acknowledging our deep inter-dependency with all people, and with all of creation. Certainly, the contagion of the COVID virus was a clear reminder of just how interconnected we all are.

Imagine a mobile hanging from a ceiling over a baby’s crib. If someone were to jiggle one piece of the mobile all the other pieces would also jiggle, even though you weren’t directly moving them. Why? Because they are all interconnected. 

As family therapists, we often observe this when a family member faces a crisis or challenge. The person facing the challenge is clearly distressed, but soon, those who are closely connected to the person will also feel distressed. It also works the other way. When one person in a family, team, or group feels centered and joyous, that can also radiate out to those with whom they are connected. 

Our deep inter-connectedness, as the intellectual icon Albert Einstein so eloquently explained, is a gift. When we remember it and nourish it regularly, not only do we benefit, but so does everyone with whom we are connected. 

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"The Benefits of Turning Over the Soil," March 28, 2025

The Benefits of Turning Over the Soil

Wisconsin is known for it many Rails to Trails bike paths. Converting former rail lines to bike trails gives a safe (and flat) way to explore the countryside on two wheels. We ride these trails regularly and were delighted to get out for our first ride of the year this week.  

Wisconsin is also known for its abundant and fertile farmland. On our ride, we saw many farmers on their tractors plowing and turning over their soil as they prepared for planting season. 

And because we love to think in metaphors, we both agreed that turning over the soil from time to time is a great practice in relationships, too. All relationships—couples, families, and friendships can benefit from turning over the soil to prepare for new growth.  

Just as soil can become compacted, making it difficult for seeds to take root and thrive, in the same way, relationships can settle into patterns that, while familiar, may not always be healthy or life-giving. Unspoken resentments, unresolved conflicts, or simply the busyness of life can harden the ground between two people. Turning over the soil of a relationship means being willing to address these hardened areas, having open conversations, and being intentional about creating space for both honesty and vulnerability.

One way to do this is through regular check-ins. Just as a farmer regularly inspects the soil for signs of dryness or depletion, couples, friends, or family members can do the same. Are there areas of tension that need attention? Are there needs that have going unspoken or unmet? Asking these questions and listening with an open heart can help break up the hard ground and make room for renewal.

At other times, the soil of our lives and our relationships get turned over not by choice, but because some kind of storm occurs. These are scary times, and the times people most often reach out to us as therapists.  But while these unbidden storms can create turmoil in the short run, they can also be opportunities for new growth.  

We have a saying about relationships that captures how important they are to our wellbeing: "Few things affect the quality of our lives more than the quality of our relationships." While we are not farmers, we imagine that the same can be said about the role of preparing and tending the soil in determining the quality of crops. And it would seem that in both, turning over the soil from time to time keeps things healthy and growing.  

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Hope Springs Eternal," March 21, 2025

Hope Springs Eternal

Yesterday marked the first day of spring.  In Wisconsin, where we live, it was more a day of hope than one of actual warmth. As we watched two determined golfers tee off on a course still dusted with snow, we couldn’t help but think of the timeless words of English poet Alexander Pope, written in 1733: “Hope springs eternal in the human breast.” His words capture the enduring optimism that keeps us looking ahead, whether to the promise of blooming flowers or simply a snow-free round of golf.

This same spirit of hope is evident in another beloved springtime tradition: the NCAA College Basketball Tournaments for Men and Women. March Madness is in full swing, bringing with it the excitement of one hundred thirty-six teams (sixty-eight Men’s teams and sixty-eight Women’s teams) battling for a national championship. Players and fans alike embrace the exhilarating uncertainty, filling out their brackets in the hopes of predicting the tournament’s twists and turns. Millions take part in this annual ritual, eagerly guessing the outcomes of each of the games.

The odds of completing a perfect bracket—accurately predicting every single game—are an astonishing 9.2 quintillion to one. To put that into perspective, do you know how long 9.2 quintillion seconds adds up to? 100 years? 1,000 years? The correct answer is 292 billion years! And yet, despite those odds, hopeful fans enter the fray, trusting their instincts, crunching statistics, and making bold predictions—or if you are like the two of us, wild guesses. But just as quickly as hope rises, reality sets in. Unexpected upsets—known as “bracket busters”—shatter expectations, leaving participants to wonder what went wrong. With each surprising outcome, we are reminded that hope, though resilient, often requires renewal.

In many ways, sports serve as a mirror for life. Just as we faithfully fill out our brackets with expectations of success, we also approach life’s adventures—new jobs, relationships, and personal goals—hoping for clear paths and predictable outcomes. But life, like basketball, is full of surprises. Our “brackets” of carefully laid plans don’t always hold up. Unexpected challenges arise, and our best predictions fall apart. Yet, just as the teams continue to play, giving their all despite the knowledge that only one will ultimately emerge victorious, we, too, carry on.

Sixty-seven of the sixty-eight teams in both tournaments will end their season with a loss. But does that stop them from playing with heart, determination, and the belief that anything is possible? Of course not. Their love of the game and the belief that hope springs eternal keep them pushing forward. And in that, we find a powerful lesson: life isn’t about perfect predictions or avoiding failure—it’s about showing up, playing with passion, and embracing each moment, regardless of the outcome.

So, as we navigate both the unpredictability of March Madness and the uncertainties of life, we take inspiration from the athletes who give their all, even when the odds are against them. Let’s keep showing up, not because we can predict or control the future, but because we love participating in the journey. And because, no matter what, hope will always spring eternal.

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Making Time for Joy," March 14, 2025

Making Time for Joy

We both started music lessons a few weeks ago for instruments that are new for each of us. Holly is taking ukulele lessons, and Scott is taking bluegrass fiddle lessons. We had been saying we were going to do this for a long time, and now that we are enjoying it so much, we wonder why we waited so long. Making time for the lessons and practicing has reminded us how much fun making music is and how much joy it is bringing us. 

The semi-annual practice of having just changed our clocks has once again offered all of us an excellent opportunity to reflect on how we use our time. As we shifted our clocks forward, it reminded us to also consider other shifts we might want to make regarding our time.

Much like evaluating our finances—deciding how to spend, save, or share our money—considering how we spend our time can also be a meaningful practice. Taking a moment to assess how we are using our time need not be a negative experience; instead, it's a chance to recognize what's working well and where we might want to shift. That's what we did when we realized we wanted to spend less time doing passive activities and instead prioritize time learning to play new instruments. We shifted our attention and how we spend part of our time each day and week.

Sometimes, life can feel unacceptably busy, leaving little room for relaxation and peace. Other times, we may feel like we have an abundance of time on our hands but struggle to use it meaningfully. In either case, pausing to reflect on how we choose to spend our time can be valuable.

Instead of judging ourselves, we find that one simple question can be particularly helpful: "What is one thing that you could shift by spending more or less time doing this week, something that would bring you joy?"

Take a moment to ask yourself this question with kindness and curiosity. If an answer comes to mind, embrace it and take a step toward realigning your time with what truly matters to you. For us, that means making more time for the fun of music in our lives. What might it be for you?

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Are We There Yet?" March 7, 2025

Are We There Yet?

Everyone who has traveled on a long-distance road trip with children will get the same question at some point, as a tired voice from the backseat asks, "Are we there yet?"  

We live in Wisconsin and are known to ask similar questions related to the coming of spring. One day the sun is out and gradually melts all the snow left on the ground. A few days later, the temperatures drop twenty-five degrees, and a fresh arrival of new snow comes down, covering the ground again. When it comes to spring, we become impatient and want to know, "Are we there yet?

We just concluded another round of Wellness Circles online. Wellness Circles are our core six-week small group program that we created many years ago to bring people together to identify an area of wellness they want to enhance, and then support one another in making the desired changes that have been identified.

A few of the kinds of things people want to work in a wellness circle include:

I want to reconnect with my child as we haven't been getting along.

I want to find a new job.

I want to be more physically active.

I want to have a difficult conversation that I have been avoiding with someone close to me. 

I want to create a better work/life balance. 

Inevitably, about halfway through the six-week Wellness Circle, participants commonly become impatient with the progress they are making.  Like the children on the road trip, and with the weather here in Wisconsin, we want to know, "Are we there yet?" "Why is it taking soooooo long?!"

Change always takes longer than we wish. We get tired of waiting and quickly become impatient. And change, like the weather, is not a linear process.

No matter what our intentions are, we always learn in a Wellness Circle that it is important to be patient with ourselves and give ourselves grace. If we are not careful, we can turn our impatience in on ourselves or direct it out toward others. Wellness Circle participants often discover how much easier it is to extend compassion and patience to others than to themselves.

We were sharing our idea for this column with a friend, and she told us that whenever she and her brother would ask her parents the road trip question, "Are we there yet?" her parents would offer this response: "No, we are not there yet, but we will surely get there when we get there." She said that as a child, that answer always frustrated her, but now, as an adult, she has come to realize that this is the best answer of all—for children and any of us who are becoming impatient with change. 

So, remember the next time that you or someone else asks, "Are we there yet? or, "When will we get there?” You can simply respond, "No, not yet, but we will surely get there when we get there." 

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"The Stories We Tell Ourselves," Feb 28, 2025

The Stories We Tell Ourselve

Human beings are natural storytellers. This weekend, the Oscars will celebrate the gifted storytellers who have shared their stories through film this year. This column is about wellness, not movie reviews (although we both loved A Complete Unknown), so we would like to reflect on storytelling from a mental health perspective. 

Have you ever found yourself convinced that someone was upset with you, only to later find out that they weren’t? Or maybe you assumed that a situation would go terribly wrong, only for it to turn out just fine? These are examples of the stories we make up in our heads—stories that shape our emotions, decisions, and even our reality, even when they aren’t actually true.

Our minds are meaning-making machines. This is especially true when we are dealing with uncertainty. That’s when we are more likely to try to fill in the blanks, creating explanations that help us make sense of our experiences. The problem is that these explanations—the stories we create—are sometimes based on assumptions, past experiences, or fears rather than actual facts.

For example, a friend doesn’t text us back right away, so we create a story that they are upset with us. We receive an email and ascribe a tone to it that we actually don’t know is accurate or not. A friend or loved one is late to meet us for coffee and we create the assumption they don’t really want to spend time with us. A colleague is distracted when talking with us, and we assume they are not interested in what we are saying.

The problem with creating stories that are not true is that we often start acting as if they are true.  If we assume someone is angry with us, we may begin to act defensive, distant, or even resentful. In response, they may become confused or frustrated, reinforcing our belief that they are, in fact, upset. This is how our made-up stories can actually become self-fulfilling prophecies.

When I, Holly, was a high school teacher, I often heard students say, they would never be good at a certain subject. This sometimes caused them to not even try, which then re-enforced their beliefs.

I, Scott, was recently talking with a colleague who was yawning constantly. At one point I simply asked, “Is what I’m saying boring you?” They immediately apologized and said that they had been up most of the previous night with their sick child. If I hadn’t checked out my assumption, I might have concluded that I needed to think twice about sharing my thoughts with this person. 

 The stories we tell ourselves shape our emotions, relationships, and overall wellbeing. The key is to first become more aware of them and reflect on whether they are actually true or not. It is always best to check out our assumptions.

So next time you catch yourself creating an internal storyline, pause, take a breath, and ask: Is this really true? Then, you might take the additional step of checking out any assumptions you are making. You might not get public recognition like the stars at the Oscars for doing this, but you will surely strengthen your relationships with others.

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Just Bring Yourself," Feb 21, 2025

Just Bring Yourself

Recently, someone invited us to dinner and, when we asked what we could bring, they replied, "Just bring yourself." That simple phrase stuck with us, not only because of its graciousness but also because of the deeper wisdom it holds.

In a world that often pressures us to do more, be more, and prove our worth through our achievements or contributions, it is nice to be reminded that our presence alone is enough. "Just bring yourself" is an invitation to show up authentically, without pretense, without the need to impress or perform. It’s a reminder that who we are, at our core, is valuable and welcomed.

Authenticity is one of the greatest gifts we can offer in any relationship. When we show up as our true selves—vulnerabilities and all—we create deeper connections and invite others to do the same. Healthy relationships are built not on perfection but on presence. When we are real with one another, we cultivate trust and intimacy, creating spaces where we and others can feel seen and accepted.

Too often, we hesitate to show up fully as ourselves out of fear that we are not enough. We may feel pressure to hide our insecurities, or to present a polished version of our lives. But true connections happen not from what we do or bring, but from simply being who we are and allowing others to do the same.

In our work as marriage and family therapists, we have seen how transformational it can be when people allow themselves to be fully present. Whether in a marriage, a friendship, or a community, relationships thrive when we show up with honesty and openness rather than trying to curate a perfect image.  We are all so much more than the images we see or even share on social media.

Likewise, when we offer this same kind of acceptance to others—welcoming them just as they are—we create a ripple effect of kindness and belonging. This kind of radical hospitality affirms that each person is enough, just as they are, without conditions or expectations.

Next time you receive an invitation—whether to a dinner, a conversation, or a new opportunity—remember that the most meaningful thing you can bring is yourself. You are enough. Just bring yourself.

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Some Advice Teens Gave Us About Mental Health, Love, and Valentine’s Day," Feb 14, 2025

Some Advice Teens Gave Us About Mental Health,

Love, and Valentine’s Day

This Tuesday, I, Holly, had the privilege of spending my day in a combined Middle and High School (Turner MS/HS in Beloit, WI) for their annual Mental Health Awareness Day. During this Valentine’s week, everyone school-wide had set the day aside to focus on supporting student mental health by engaging in several different relaxing activities, engaging in group discussions on related topics, listening to speakers, and getting acquainted with all kinds of resources and organizations that work to support mental health in their area, Rock County, WI.  I was one of those people as I was there to represent our nonprofit Wellness Compass Initiative.

Throughout the day, I had the opportunity to speak with most of the young people (ages 12 -18) and had the honor of listening to their concerns and desires, and meeting their friends.  I also told them about this column and the corresponding Wellness Compass podcast. As a bit of research for our column, I asked them this important question: “What kinds of things would you like me to tell the adults who listen to our podcast about  what they can do to support teen mental health?” 

Here are some of their answers:

Don’t be so judgmental.

Share stories of the mistakes you made when you were young.

Consider how you sound to others.  Bossy? Controlling? 

    Freaking Out? Supportive?

Don’t force things on us, like clubs, activities, and beliefs. Feel free to share your beliefs, but don’t force them on us.

Laugh and have fun with us.

Don’t say it’s just a phase. It is important to us now.

Encourage us.

You can say what you need to say without being mean about it. 

Check in with us on a regular basis by asking, “Are you OK?” And then really listen to what we are feeling.

Do things with us, like playing sports, hiking, and playing video games.

Honor our thoughts and opinions.

Don’t jump to conclusions.

Give us hugs.

Don’t make decisions for us.

Take interest in our interests.

Talk with us, not at us - fewer lectures and more listening, please.

As they spoke, I realized that what they were sharing with me could  be applied to any relationships that we value and care about. So, on Tuesday, out of the mouths of our young people came their suggestions for staying connected and supporting the mental health of all those we love. How appropriate for right before Valentine’s Day.

Their honest words are a good reminder for each of us as we consider how to express our love to all the important people in our lives this Valentine’s Day. 

Which of their suggestions could you give as a gift to someone on this special day?

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Rooting for Ourselves," February 7, 2025

Rooting for Ourselves

There is so much in the world that needs our love and attention. It is easy to become overwhelmed. No one has enough time or energy to root for or get involved in all the good causes that need our attention and support. So it may be counterintuitive to advocate rooting for one additional thing on top of all the other pulls we may be feeling, but we need to add one more person to our list to root for--and that's ourselves.

We are thinking of two different meanings of rooting. First, we need to be advocates for ourselves. We need to tame the inner critic and be the number one cheerleader and encourager of ourselves. Second, we need to be like trees and cultivate deep inner roots to anchor us when the storms of challenging times come. 

Rooting for ourselves is an essential act of self-care, self-love, and personal growth. It is about standing in our own corner, believing in our own worth, and nurturing our own well-being. If a tree wants to grow more branches of support, it must also expand its root system to sustain its growth.

You know best what helps you feel encouraged—what fills your cup so you have something to pour from. You also know what drains your cup—perhaps it's how you speak to yourself, how busy you are, how much movement you get, and how much rest you get.

You also know what helps nurture your spiritual roots- what grounds you in challenging times. It might include meditation, time in nature, prayer, a deeper connection with a spiritual community, spiritual reading, or taking sabbath time to rest. 

The goal of self-care is not to become self-centered. The goal is to become a centered self. When we take the time to nurture our own growth and become more centered, we show up more fully in our relationships, our work, and our communities.

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Handling Our Emotions So They Don't Handle Us," January 31, 2025

Handling Our Emotions So They Don't Handle Us

Have you ever had one of those moments where your emotions just take over, and suddenly, you can’t think straight or say what you actually mean? If you are like us, the answer is an obvious yes. There is a name for that experience of when our emotions hijack our brains and bodies—it’s called emotional flooding—it’s when feelings like anger, fear, or anxiety hit so hard that your brain basically short-circuits. It happens to all of us, especially during conflicts, stressful situations, and even when we are just having a really bad day.

As therapists, we see emotional flooding all the time, and as we have said, we experience it at times ourselves. Learning to recognize when we are flooded is key to handling those feelings when they occur. 

Emotional flooding happens when our brain goes into survival mode. Our amygdala—the part of your brain that reacts to threats—takes over, and our rational thinking takes a backseat, which is why it’s hard to think logically or respond calmly. While it is easy to identify examples of emotional flooding in young children or adolescents, it is wise to remember that it happens to all of us from time to time.  

When we feel emotionally overwhelmed, we may experience any or all of these symptoms: brain fog, rapid heart rate, shallow breath, a terrible “pit in our stomach,” racing thoughts, or extreme anger or anxiety. 

Merely stopping and recognizing when we feel overwhelmed helps us better manage ourselves in that moment.  Rather than blaming someone else and “flying off the handle” (a phrase that originated to describe when an axe head comes loose and flies off its handle), when we can recognize what is going on inside of us, we are better able to stop ourselves, and thus avoid causing damage to a relationship.  When we feel overwhelmed by our emotions in a relationship with someone, the best thing we can do is call a “time out” for ourselves.  This is an example of the parenting strategy of “counting to ten” when they are feeling angry with a child.  When parents feel ready to say or do something they are likely to regret, they calm themselves down while they count to ten. Here are other things that help. 

1. Meditation or simply slowing down and taking several deep breaths. 

2. Doing something physical—working out or going for a walk, for example.  

3. Using “I” statements rather than accusing. “I am feeling overwhelmed right now and want to take a break so I can come back later and discuss this when I can think more clearly,” is far more helpful than “You are the one that is making me act this way right now.

Our emotions are not right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy. What matters is how we handle our emotions. Keeping the head of the axe on the handle is always best. And recognizing when it has come loose or is about to come loose (which is bound to happen to all of us at times) is key to regulating and resetting our mental health and maintaining healthy relationships.  

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Three R's for Growing Resilience," January 24, 2025

Three Rs for Growing Resilience

Resilience is the capacity to respond to and recover from stressful events. Research on resilience has revealed that it is not simply something we have or don’t have. What has been discovered is that several key factors—including the choices we can make and habits we can nurture—determine our capacity to be resilient. 

In our work as therapists and in our personal lives, we have found that three “Rs” are key to strengthening our resilience muscles. 

Relationships: Reaching out for support is key to resilience. If we are not careful, when we feel vulnerable, we may isolate or lash out at others when it would be our advantage to do the opposite. We need to ask for the help and support we need. The myth of the rugged individual who conquers all adversity by themselves is just that…a myth. Of course, nurturing relationships is essential for all aspects of our wellbeing at all times, not just when we are facing a challenge or setback. Sometimes, we are the ones helping friends and family through a hard time, and other times, we are the ones receiving that help and support.  

Rest: Healing and recovery always take longer than we wish. Patience is a virtue; it is also a key to resilience. When you experience a loss or a stressful event of any kind, give yourself time to heal. A sprained ankle only recovers when we provide it with rest—not by ignoring it and continuing to walk on it, trying to pretend that everything is okay. Rest is equally essential when our spirit or our emotions are sprained.  Give yourself the gift of slowing down.

Reflection: How we think about a stressful event or challenge and the thought frame we put around it will either enhance or limit our resilience.  A thought frame of “Bad things sometimes happen to good people like me, but I know that I can do hard things,” is empowering. A thought frame of, “I must deserve this because bad things always happen to me, and life isn’t fair, and I’m never going to recover from this,” will likely keep us stuck. Research has shown that our spiritual beliefs and worldviews play a crucial role in resilience. If we struggle with negative thought frames, we do not need to judge ourselves; instead, we can try to observe it within ourselves and remember that it is only a thought, not a fact. We might benefit from reaching out for professional support from a therapist or spiritual guide to help us if we find ourselves stuck in this type of thinking. 

Loss, challenges, and stressful events are inevitable. Bad things do, in fact, happen to good people. Resilience, however, is not inevitable; instead, it is enhanced by the choices we make. 

Focusing today on relationships, rest, and reflection is a good start to strengthening our capacity for resilience, to help us face the struggles in front of us now, and to help prepare us for the inevitable challenges of life.

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.

"Relationship Hydration," January 10, 2025

Relationship Hydration

While the topic of New Year’s resolutions is complicated, and it’s often difficult to know where to start, we have one very simple suggestion—a small resolution that is almost 100% guaranteed to succeed, and that will benefit not only yourself but also those around you as well.

Choose one relationship that is important to you. Make it a priority to nurture that relationship with positive thoughts, positive words, and positive actions. Offer encouragement, praise, and gratitude. Water the other person’s self-esteem. Put some air in their tires. Tell them how important they are to you. Prioritize spending time with them. If you do this regularly, you will undoubtedly see a growth in positivity and connection in that relationship.

A friend shared with us this week that their resolution for the new year after having learned from their doctor that they were chronically dehydrated was to drink more water. The doctor explained that a simple act of drinking more water would have enormous health benefits and would actually make them feel more perky and energetic as well. Thinking in analogies, as we tend to do, we thought of how relationships can also be energized or perked up when we give them more attention or “water them.” All living things need water to grow and flourish, and relationships are certainly living things, growing or wilting, depending on their environment. 

Don’t just take our word for it. Try watering a relationship and see if it makes a difference. We are confident it will and that everyone involved will appreciate the difference your efforts will make.

In our Wellness Compass podcast, a companion offering to this column, we discuss some specific things we can do to rehydrate a relationship. Listen HERE or by searching for “Wellness Compass” in your favorite podcast app. 

If you want to hear more about our thoughts on this topic, listen to this week’s 10-minute episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast, which you can find by clicking on “Podcast” at the top of this page.

Speaking of podcasts, Scott has his own podcast, which is just him speaking about a topic that he is passionate about: the integration of spirituality and wellness. The Living Compass Podcast can be found HERE or in your favorite podcast app.