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Prioritizing Our Mental Health Through the Holiday Season
"Mental health is not a destination, but a process. It's about how you drive, not just where you're going." Noam Shpancer, psychologist
A few weeks ago, I wrote about recalculating our routes in a column that focused on giving ourselves permission to make changes in direction when needed. Today I am writing about something a bit different yet similar, calculating our routes. Specifically, I'm going to focus on inviting us to plan the way we intend to navigate this upcoming holiday season, in a way that prioritizes our mental health and overall well-being.
The holiday season can be stressful for our mental health in a typical year. It can bring a roller coaster of emotions of both sadness and joy, and sometimes pressures to be or act a certain way that is not in alignment with what we are feeling or wanting. When you add the additional stress of an ongoing and changing pandemic, it becomes even more important to be proactive about prioritizing our mental health so as to level out the potential highs and lows of the season.
Through my four decades as a psychotherapist, I often have had conversations with clients in January where they talk about how exhausted they are because of not making good choices through the holidays. "It's like I was on auto-pilot, trying to meet the expectations of family and friends, and not even realizing the cumulative effect of the choices I was making," is something I hear often.
To help you avoid this kind of exhaustion, here are three things to focus on to help you calculate your plans for the next six weeks. They are offered with the hope that with some planning and focus on some self-care, the holidays can be a time of authentic joy and peace.
First, if there is a potentially uncomfortable conversation you need to have with friends or family, don't make the mistake of putting it off or avoiding that conversation. Holidays bring both the gift and sometimes the pressure of traditions. "But we've always done it this way" thinking can create undue pressure to continue traditions that don't serve us well anymore. Instead, have honest conversations now about what will work best for everyone this holiday season.
Even though these conversations may be challenging initially, they usually help families and friends find new ways of doing things that all can enjoy. As I wrote a few weeks ago, the pandemic gives us a new freedom to recalculate our routes, and that includes how we will celebrate the holidays.
Second, set a budget not just for your finances, but also for how you want to budget your time and energy. The holidays sometimes trigger feelings of sadness, obligation, and/or loss, which in turn might prompt us to over-spend, over-drink, over-eat, or over-do. Prioritizing our mental health through the holidays means being proactive about setting limits, and also at the same time, not avoiding the challenging emotions such as regret, sadness, and grief that may occur this time of year.
A third way to practice self-care this holiday season is to intentionally choose to focus on the spiritual meaning of the season. The word "holiday" is a contraction of the two words "holy" and "day." How will you honor what is holy and sacred for you this year? How will you budget time and energy to practice and nurture your spirituality? Strengthening our spirituality is always good for our mental health, and particularly so this time of year.
Happy Thanksgiving to all, and best wishes for navigating this holiday season in a way that is mindful and good for your well-being and for those with whom you will connect.
Making it Personal (These prompts are offered to evoke your ideas for how you might want to prioritize your mental health during the holidays.)
Is there a conversation regarding holiday plans, that while perhaps challenging to have, would be beneficial to have now rather than later?
What's one thing you might want to do new or different this year regarding how you celebrate the holidays?
What is one thing you could do to practice and nurture your spirituality throughout the holidays this year?