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Practice the Pause
Have you ever sent a text message or email when you were upset, only to regret doing so? If so, you know firsthand how important it can be to remember to "practice the pause."
The word we are focusing on in this week's column and podcast is “pause.” We like concentrating on a single word because that makes it easy for us to carry it with us throughout our week, reminding us to pause, reflect, and make more deliberate decisions.
This simple yet profound concept is at the core of enhancing well-being and making intentional choices in your life. We often stress the importance of "awareness" and "intention" in our work. However, these concepts are incomplete without the pivotal element of "pause."
We need to pause from our hectic life to reflect, much like sharpening an ax. If we're too busy chopping down trees (our daily tasks), we may easily forget to pause and sharpen our emotional, physical, spiritual, and relational well-being.
A pause is like a personal time-out, something parents sometimes try to teach children and something adults can embrace as well. It's about taking a moment to step back from a situation, take a deep breath, and choose our next steps deliberately. Whether we're making a decision about how to spend money, whether to watch a particular TV show, or whether to have another drink, pausing helps us make more thoughtful choices.
The Space Between Stimulus and Response
Viktor Frankl, a renowned psychiatrist and concentration camp survivor, wrote, "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. And in our response lies our growth and our freedom." This quote perfectly encapsulates the essence of pausing. It's about finding that space, that pause, in order to make a choice instead of reacting mindlessly.
Pausing in Our Relationships
As marriage and family therapists, we work extensively with relationships. Pausing becomes crucial in preventing and managing emotional flooding, which is when people become reactive in highly charged situations. In emotionally flooded moments, people often escalate conflicts because they're not pausing to reflect and choose a better response.
Proactive and Preventative Pausing
Mindfulness, meditation, journaling, and gratitude are forms of "preventative" pausing that help us reset and center ourselves. Taking retreats or Sabbath time is essential for nurturing our spiritual and emotional well-being.
Physical wellness also benefits from pausing. It's about knowing when to take time for rest and recovery, whether we are an athlete or simply someone seeking a healthier lifestyle.
We encourage you to apply the concept of pausing to various aspects of your life. Incorporating a pause can make a profound difference, whether it's physical wellness, spirituality, emotional well-being, relationships, or even email and text communication. Remember to carry the word “pause” with you throughout the week, practice it, and watch how it enhances your well-being.
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ABOUT THE CREATORS:
Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT, are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.