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What follows is a transcription of this week's Wellness Compass podcast episode entitled "Learn." We invite you to listen to this ten-minute episode by clicking the player graphic above or by clicking HERE. Listening gives the full experience of the emotions and tone of what is being said, which is difficult to capture in a transcription. The spoken word is different than the written word. We are happy to provide this transcript for those who prefer to read rather than listen.
Scott: Welcome back to the Wellness Compass Podcast, episode one of season three. My name is Scott Stoner. It's good to be back with you. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist with several decades, four decades now, of experience in helping individuals, couples, and families. And I'm a co-creator of this podcast and the Wellness Compass Initiative, which you can learn about at wellnesscompass.org. So if I'm a CO, there must be another CO and I'd like to invite my CO and wife not just in work but in life to introduce herself.
Holly: Yeah, I am the other half of the CO and my name is Holly Hughes Stoner. Scott and I are both marriage and family therapists. We also happen to be married to each other.
Scott: We're a couple of marriage and family therapists. (laughter)
Holly: I always thought Scott was kind of funny. (laughter)
Scott: Was kind of funny? (laughter)
Holly: We've decided that what we're going to do this year is start each episode with a word that has something to do with wellbeing. Since this is the beginning of the school year for millions of people, teachers, and students alike, this week our word is LEARN. Scott, Do you want to tell them a little bit more about what we're thinking?
Scott: Well, it is back to school time. Whether you're going back to school or you know somebody who is going back to school you are impacted. But actually we're all going back to school, because we're all lifelong learners.
The topic of this podcast and of our initiative is the journey towards personal and family wellness. And because we are always in school in one way or another, I love working in this field. I am a lifelong learner and all the research I do is really "me"- search. And so we're all learning, if we're open to learning. And what we do with this podcast each week is invite you to take 10 minutes. We're going to focus our episodes to 10 minutes this year, this season, with the hopes of helping you navigate the week ahead with greater awareness and intention.
So with the word LEARN as our focus this week, it got me thinking about when I was back in school, especially in grade school. When I look at that time back then, I realize I probably would have been diagnosed with ADHD. I had a lot of energy and so I was constantly being reprimanded for either not listening, or not paying attention. Now I'm happy to say that I've gotten a little better at that as I've aged.
And I think those two ingredients, now I'm talking to you and me and all of us listening to this podcast, those two things, listening and paying attention, are key habits to being learners on this path of wellness as well.
So I invite you, as you walk through the week ahead, to pay attention to what might be around you, ready to teach you something. And listen closely. Maybe you're going to listen to your body. Or you're going to listen to someone particular in your life in a different way, or you're going to put more intention into listening you're going to meet a stranger this week. You're going to listen to something. You're going to pay attention in a way that is going to help you learn something and support you on that journey. That's one thing that comes to my mind is I think of myself walking through the week ahead with the word LEARN.
Holly: Some of our listeners might know this about me, because I've mentioned this on the show before, but I was a teacher for a long time in the classroom and paying attention and concentrating are really important things. Two other important things I can think of are wonder and curiosity. Students who are full of wonder, wondering what's going on around them, just wanting to find out more are very curious about the world. Those things really help a student and it also helps us as adults as well. And so I try to in my life, try to be full of wonder and curiosity.
And so this week (and first of all I love summer as it is my favorite time of year) I was feeling sort of sad. I always feel this way in early September because everybody's back to being busy, cool breezes are coming in, and all the summer fun is over. And so this week I was sitting on a bench in a park near our home and was kind of feeling sad that the summer was over, as were all the freedoms that summer allows us. And I was being trying to be curious about what that was all about when all of a sudden, bam, right on my head, a huge hickory nut landed. Actually, it hit me on the corner of my glasses and knocked them on the ground and it hurt. And I was initially kind of annoyed with this happening because I'd been having such a nice time sitting there.
But then I tried to summon some of my curiosity and wonder and I thought, you know, that tree is letting go of that hickory nut, and it's teaching me something. When we talk about learning, you know I thought, "What can I learn from that tree that has just let go of that nut?"
And in the spring, as it sat there in the spring as well, that same tree was flowering as it was in a different stage of life. But right now it's the end of summer and it's time to let go. And there was the lesson I needed right at that moment. It was like, okay, now it's time to let go of summer and to step into what's coming next. So that's what I learned.
Scott: I love that. And in that case, that hickory nut, the hickory tree, was your teacher. One of the things kids have on their mind, you know, this time of year is, (when they get the letter, or where they get it now, maybe email or a phone call) is "Who's your teacher?" You know, you talk to your friends, to find out who's their teacher, and for you that hickory nut and that tree, was your teacher. And so often I know for me nature is my teacher.
And I love what you said about the sense of wonder and curiosity as you sat there with your sadness and just were, you know, allowing yourself to feel it being open to letting it teach you something, and all of a sudden, you got a lesson.
Holly: Well, and I, I did initially get annoyed and it hurt and it knocked my glasses off. Actually I'm going to take them into the store and see if they can do something about them as they're kind of nicked. And I, I could have just been irritated and just gotten up and left. But I had been sitting there on purpose, kind of trying to be present to the beauty of the day and all that sort of stuff. And so I also had to pay attention to what I was paying attention to. I could have just been annoyed. But it was a beautiful day and this thing did accidentally land and hit me on the head. So I had to move on beyond just the anger and try to learn something from what had happened instead of just going mad.
Scott: Well, so sometimes the lessons we learn in life are painful, right? And upsetting at first. And after all, you were sitting under the tree. The tree didn't plan this. It's not like the tree came, went out of its way to drop it's nut on you.
When we have lessons, we're learning some of life's lessons, especially in the second half of life, a lot of learning has to do with letting go. It's interesting that you were talking about that as letting go is painful.
And so sometimes we can avoid learning. We can avoid a lesson because we're trying to avoid pain. We're trying to avoid some kind of discomfort. And if you think about it all learning, (if you think back to when you were in school, if you signed up for a course, that's a hard course and maybe stretches you) is going to be hard. It's going to be uncomfortable. It's going to be discouraging at first before it becomes easy. Maybe if you hang in there and learn, it's going to become encouraging. So letting go is certainly one of those life lessons that can be hard.
So you mentioned curiosity. Wonder nature. I talked about paying attention and listening.
Hopefully, these thoughts will help you as you walk through the week ahead and think about, "What is there for me to learn? What can I bring to my awareness? What am I feeling? What am I?
Maybe what's a personal challenge right now, either in my personal or family awareness? And what am I open to learning in the midst of that? That's what we invite you to do. We're creating a community with this podcast. We'd love to hear from you when you walk through the week ahead. Now with the word learning, what are you learning? What? Who are your teachers? What are you listening to? What are you paying attention to? What's wonder?
You can email us, but better yet, find our Facebook page, The Wellness Compass Facebook page. . And like it. And this podcast will be there with that word and let us know what you're learning. You'll inspire us. You'll inspire one another. And that's what we do in community, because this really is one of the reasons we create this community, is because we all learn together.
Holly: Right. And one thing I was just going to say is that we haven't mentioned too much, is that we have something called the Wellness Compass Model of Wellbeing, which is on our website, WellnessCompass.org. And it's a way to help you think about all the things that you might want to learn about yourself. So you might want to take a look at that. Just see if that sparks an interest in you as something you'd like to learn.
Scott: So school's open again. It's session one of season three, and we're delighted to have you in this classroom with us. And until we gather again next week here on the Wellness Compass podcast, may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be at peace, as you walk through the week ahead with curiosity and wonder as you learn what life has to teach you right now.
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ABOUT THE AUTHORS:
Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT, are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.