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Acceptance and Change
The simple and profound words from the opening of the Serenity Prayer (found in the quote box above) resonate as deeply for people today as when they were written in 1943 by Reinhold Niebuhr. While the words are simple and profound, living them is much more challenging. This is especially true when an unplanned change or loss occurs, or when there is something in our lives that we worry about but can do little, if anything, about it. At such times, we may wonder what it means to find serenity.
The prayer points out that there are three crucial steps to finding serenity:
Acceptance
Changing what we can change
Having the wisdom to know the difference.
As marriage and family therapists, we often have the honor of talking with people struggling with some sort of concern. Typically, when a person is worried about someone or something, they put their energy into trying to change the other person or the situation. When we are in a similar situation, it is easy to think that we can't find serenity until or unless something in our life changes. If this is the only way we can frame the situation, then our serenity becomes dependent on factors we can't control. It is helpful to remember that we can both work for change in a relationship or situation and focus on managing our own worry or reactivity.
It is worth remembering that the only person we can change or control in a relationship or situation is ourselves.
While the Serenity Prayer was not written for Alcoholics Anonymous and other recovery groups, it has been widely adopted by them. People in recovery know a thing or two about things they cannot change and the things they can.
May we all be reminded once again of the wisdom of this prayer to help us find serenity and wisdom in the midst of life's challenges.
Making It Personal:
1. Are you dealing with something painful that is beyond your control right now?
2. If you are, what helps you to find serenity and acceptance?
3. Is there a challenge you are having in a relationship or situation that could benefit from you having the courage to change?
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ABOUT THE AUTHORS:
Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT, are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.