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What follows is a transcription of this week's Wellness Compass podcast episode entitled "Without a Compass, We Are More Likely to Get Lost.." We invite you to listen to this ten-minute episode by clicking the player graphic above or by clicking HERE. Listening gives the full experience of the emotions and tone of what is being said, which is difficult to capture in a transcription. The spoken word is different than the written word. We are happy to provide this transcript for those who prefer to read rather than listen.
Scott: Welcome back to the Wellness Compass podcast. My name is Scott Stoner, and you'll be hearing from Holly, my partner in life and work, in just a moment. This is episode three of season three, Episode 79 since we started this podcast, if you're keeping score at home. We’re here each and every week to help you navigate the week ahead with greater awareness and greater intention, which is one of our main objectives for the larger Wellness Compass Initiative and in our work as marriage and family therapists.
Learn more about our other offerings at wellnesscompass.org. This year during each episode we're choosing a word to build the episode around. And Holly, what is that word for this week and why do we choose it?
Holly: Well, it's compass. Last week we did wellness. We thought it made sense as that's the name of our podcast, Wellness Compass. So we thought we'd kind of explain what we think about when we refer to a compass.
I decided I wanted to look up a little bit about the history of compasses because I like history. And my research reveals that it's still considered one of the greatest technological advances in the history of humankind! Apparently long ago, thousands and thousands of years ago, people were getting lost every time it was foggy, or it was windy and raining, and people couldn't see the landmarks. People would get lost and out at sea and they'd end up in places where they had not planned on going at all.
So in about the 11th or 12th century in China, somebody figured out that they could use a magnetic spoon placed in a bowl of water, and it would always point the same direction. Eventually they figured out a way to use this a navigational tool. This compass could be used to help them know which way they were headed, even in the fog and rain. And it really changed everything.
If you know anything about world history, you know, right around that time is when a lot of important discoveries were being made. And this one was a huge one as it helped explorers and travelers everywhere to navigate their way more efficiently.
But we're not really interested in ancient navigation tools. What we're interested in is tools that help us navigate our lives today. And so when we talk about Compass, we're talking about the compasses we have available to us that help us decide where we're going, so that we don't get lost along the way as well. And one of the main things that we consider or think of as a compass is our core values, because those help us figure out which way to go.
Scott: Our core values are like our true north, right? Yeah, True North doesn't change. If I'm out in the wilderness and I have a compass and I know I want to go, let's say east. My compass will help me identify the direction I need to head, but it won't give me the path. I'm going to have to start walking in the path and I may come up against a river. I may come up against a cliff, and I'm going to have to maybe go south for a little bit and then, you know, go around it until I'm going east again. But east doesn't change and north doesn't change. The compass gives me my direction but I've got to figure out how to make my path. So our core values are like that, they help us identify which direction to go.
I think of it, for example, being applicable in family life. Being marriage and family therapists we work with lots with couples and families around communication and having difficult conversations. As an example, if someone needs to have an important conversation with someone they love and care about, you know, or let's say there's a conflict and let's say there’s, been some injury or some misunderstanding, we need to be reminded of our compass, of our core values as a to orient ourselves in that conversation.
My core values are things like love and compassion, humility, forgiveness. Those are my core values. And if I can keep those in mind they will guide me on the path and will guide how I approach the conversation. If I don't keep those in mind, I may get hooked and I may all of a sudden be acting out, or fall into defending my ego. I may want to score points and to be right.
Those are not my core values, to defend my ego and to be right or to put another person down. That's not my best self. Certainly that's my reactive self. That's my injured self. That's my emotionally flooded self. So our compasses or values, function you know, as guides for us. As you were saying before, in the ancient days, the storms would come in bringing fog and clouds, people couldn't use the stars, they couldn't use their landmarks and they would get lost. Once the compass was invented though, they had help even in those stormy conditions. And that's the same with our core values, when stormy things are going on in their lives, when there's change, when there's loss, our core values can help us determine which way to go.
Now, I just want to say quickly that also the word compass is in the word encompass. It can also mean to surround like a circle. In our Wellness Compass Model of Well-being, we encompass eight areas of wellness. If you go on our website and look at our compass and our eight areas of wellness, you'll see it as a holistic all encompassing approach. So we're really using both meanings of compass. Our tools and our resources help you navigate your journey of wholeness and wellness. And we encompass a holistic approach of eight areas of wellness.
Holly: You know, I was thinking when we were talking about the landmarks, about a conversation I had recently with two women who are recent widows, and they were saying that it feels like there are no landmarks for them to orient themselves. Their children are grown up, their spouses are not there, and they are retired so they don't quite know where to live. They know the homes they're living in currently aren’t really suited for just one person, but they don't know where to go. I talk to other people where there's an illness of their own, or a child is sick or something. They're just people who are not sure where to turn. You've heard that phrase, “I'm not sure where to turn? Which direction should I go? What should I do?”
And so these women were trying to slow themselves down a little bit and think about, “What's most important to me at this point in my life?” In other words, what’s their compass? What are their values that will help them decide?
You know, they both agreed they wanted to be stay in the local area, but even then there was a lot of uncertainty about exactly where to go and what should they do with their time. And so their values were coming up. The things that they really cared about were the things that they were going to start spending their time on.
So, you know, I am talking about these ancient navigators, which is fine. It's interesting to me, but we are all kind of without a compass a birth. You come into life, you grow up and then often you don't know exactly where you're supposed to go. Eventually we figure out our skills and talents and passions. Those things can help us figure out where to go and what kind of life we want to create.
Scott: And for those individuals and for me, for any of us, when we do have big life changes it, it can be overwhelming. When that happens one of the things that's important to come back to is, again, our core values, our true North, because that doesn't change. What what has changed is how we express that. So if a core values are love and community and connection, and then we lose a spouse or we lose a relationship or someone moves away, we lose a dear friend, lose a job, we must try to nurture those things in new ways.
I remember working with a man who had retired and he was feeling a sense of being lost because his work had been so important to him. He began to realize that one of the things he loved most about his work was mentoring younger people. You see, as he achieved some seniority in his field, he did a lot of mentoring. That gave him the clue about what he wanted to do in retirement. He decided he would find some volunteer opportunities that would allow him to still be a mentor, but in a different way. So he got involved in a local after school program, helping students with homework and reading. This man’s core values didn't change, but how he expressed them did. Our direction is always changing and determining where we are going is an ongoing journey.
And sometime we have to along the journey see if we are still letting our values guide us and leading us in the right direction and if not recalculate our route. Sometimes we get off track, but our core values can help us to recalculate how we want to get back on track.
Holly: I was going to say the other thing besides our core values are our core passions. You know, what are the things that we're kind of good at? Everybody's got different gifts. Everybody has different things that are really interesting to them, things that they might want to do more of. So it's core values your passions and talents. What can you contribute or do in the now that might help you find your way through the times of fog and and rainy days.
Scott: I love that core values as well as core passions are important compasses. That is so very true.
We are so honored to be on this journey of wholeness with you all. Even though we have some expertise and decades of experience, we're also fellow travelers trying to continue to use our core values as our compass, and to the practice the same thing we're teaching here, navigating our lives with awareness and intention.
Again, you can reach out to us on our Facebook page, just search for Wellness Compass and our website is wellnesscompass.org and you can email us there as well.
Until we gather again, may you be healthy, may you be happy, may you be clear about your compass and how it can help you navigate your journey of wholeness and wellness.
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ABOUT THE AUTHORS:
Holly Hughes Stoner, LMFT and Scott Stoner, LMFT, are both licensed marriage and family therapists who are partners in life and in work. They are the Co-Directors and Co-Creators of the Wellness Compass Initiative, a non-profit initiative that crates preventative wellness materials for adults, families, and teens. They live in Madison, Wisconsin and are the parents of three adult children and are blessed with two grandchildren, as well.